the most heartwarming/heartbreaking email i've ever received in my life..

for anyone reading this that doesn't know this.. my grandmother was hands down my favorite person in the entire universe.. she fought small cell lung cancer for over a year before finally succumbing to the terrible terrible disease. i spent as much time with her as i could & was there with her until the end.. it was (and i hope will remain) the most heartbreaking & devastatingly life altering experience of my life..

so tonight.. i'm watching season one of dawson's creek (for background noise) as i go through my inbox & delete all the junk mail from the past however many years that's just sitting there and taking up space.. as sarah mclachlan starts playing (not kidding, thanks to the DC music supervisor.. it cued up right as i clicked on this email).. i come across this email.. from july 11, 2007.. my last birthday that my gram was alive.

she was sick & going through chemo at the time, so she was extremely tired & she didn't really have a voice.. therefore it was the first year that she didn't call me on the phone..

instead of a phone call.. i woke up to this:

On Wed, 7/11/07, LORETTA DEVEAU wrote:

From: LORETTA DEVEAU

Subject: BIRTHDAY GIRL

To: "Kristine McHugh"

Cc: "Albert" , "Julie", "O'Malley-Deveau" (my aunts & uncles)

Date: Wednesday, July 11, 2007, 7:56 AM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR KRIS TI INE; HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry I am unable to get out to get you a proper birthday card, but please know I think about you all of the time and wish I could be with you on important occasions.

I have had relatively good days since Sunday afternoon; today seems like it will be a good day. I feel stronger and less fatigued.

Yesterday, Anna took me into town and I got a hair cut; I want it to be short when it starts to fall out because I'm sure its going to be nasty to find clumps of hair everywhere. (UGH)

We are getting ready to go into town because I have to have some blood work and my B-12 shot. We are going in early since I have to fast before the blood work and I think we'll stop and get breakfast at MacDonalds'; yum, I can't wait for a bacon, egg & cheese biscuit sandwich.

I think I've put on five/six pounds since Anna's been here. She's been cooking great meals and my appetite is incredible. I can't believe I'd see the day when I would be happy to GAIN weight. Over the past week, we have had chicken noodle soup, haddock chowder, and last night, she made a great zucchini minestrone, plus a pizza. Everything tastes so good, I can't wait for the next meal.

Kristine, have a wonderful birthday, darling.

I love you.

I love you all.

needless to say, i cried when i first read this.. actually every time i've read this. god i miss her. she even wrote out the note change part when you say the person's name in the birthday song.. & later that day my aunt anna (her younger sister & the person who was cooking all of the delicious food for her) called me to wish me a happy birthday for both her & my gram while my gram was sleeping after her bloodwork. i miss her so much. every day.

hey jude.. runawaykat.. just plain sundress..

so..

i signed up for this account in march of 2009 with the intention of writing more regularly again & have done nothing with it since.. tweets, status updates & mobile upload captions have gotten in the way of actually sitting down & letting your full stream of thoughts & feelings flow out of you.. at least in my case. so i really have no place here in saying what i'm about to say.. however, *i* didn't pick a domain name.. so yeah, on second thought, i AM justified to say this..

i just searched 5 different words/phrases that i love and/or always use as domain names or user names.. come to find out.. EVERY single one of them with the exception of ONE, are being used by people that don't even post anything. and the one that actually DID post a few entries, hasn't posted anything in years. so completely uncool.

so.. i mixed heyjude & sundress. two of my favorite things.. squished into one. so "heysundress" it is.

let's see how this blogging thing goes.

hopefully no one else loves "hey jude" & sundresses & has the notion to mix the two together, cause i would feel terrible for taking their desired domain name.

my apologies in advance if this should ever become the case.